Friday, July 10, 2009

Metamorphic process

I have tendonitis.
It has flared up, painfully
The steering in my new car is stiff
I am ready to cry when I get in
driving feels impossible.

I look at my hands
my arms
holding on is too hard
and it hurts.

I have to let go.

I have a Zen moment -
What am I holding on to?
Why, exactly, am I in pain?
What must I let go of?

It only takes a moment
to come up with the next logical thought:
I must let go of grief,
of fear,
of need,
of pain.

My constant companions, these
it is time to let go.
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My adult life has brought me more pain, grief and heartache
than I ever imagined, starting out.
It happens to us all,
That's just life, we say.
You take the bad with the good,
and just let it go.

I have learned my limits
my own courage,
and my strength, born of need
of love, and pain, and grief.

Apparently I have another thing to learn
one more educational opportunity in my life
If I don't learn about letting go,
I will carry my pain with me
Something tangible and destructive
which prevents me from doing what I need to do
from sitting in the driver's seat, literally -
a hard-copy metaphor for my own issues.

My therapist is going to love this.
And I still can't drive my damn car.
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